Funny video and Mouse score update

Here is my favorite new video! This is definitely soemthing that i would have done.
http://www.ireport.com/docs/DOC-164378

Update on the Mouse Hunting.
Humans 3.5, Mice 2. I have offically caught 3 and found a frozen and/or overfed one in the garage.

Of Mice and Men

I am hunter, hear me roar! I have mice in my house. Check that, I have SMART mice in my house. Well, sort of. Let me explain. My wife had me doing some manly, husbandly duties like putting stuff in the attic. I was putting a box in, when I see a shadow move across the floor. It could have been just that, a shadow, but not my luck. I now am thrust into the bitter cold and on my way to Lowe's (aka heaven). I buy 4 old school mousetraps, you know, the ones that could take off a pinkie! I put two in the garage (access point) and two in the attic (scene of the crime). There is a big glob of peanut butter on each one, and they are now waiting for fresh kill. I check them the next day. Garage: 2 traps, no peanut butter, no mice, neither set off. SHIT! Attic: 1 trap, no peanut butter, no mouse, not set off. SHI.....? 1 trap? I put 2 up there. Where did it go? Is it connected to mouse somewhere? Did it take it and put it in the fridge next to the donuts as retaliation?
Official score: Humans 0, Mice 1.
I reset the 3 traps with cheese this time. (Tom and Jerry cartoons WILL pay off.) 2 in the garage and 1 in the attic. Check a day later. Garage: 2 traps, no cheese, 1 set off, no mouse. I think I found a stick in one of them. WTF! Attic: 1 trap, no cheese, not set off, no mouse.
Official score: Humans 0, Mice 2. This isn't looking good.
My neighbor Steve comes over, and while talking i tell him I have mice. Steve tells me that he's had them too and caught at least one of them. He tells me about the traps, putting the PB just a little bit in the center, the firm and sensitive side (what?) and about glue traps. GLUE TRAPS? I decide to take him up on the offer of giving me a couple, and try them out. I reset the traps again. 1 regular and 1 glue in the attic. 3 regular in the garage, and 1 in the powder room. Total= 6 traps, 3 locations.
Official score: Humans 1.5, Mice 3. YES!!! I have found 2 dead mice. 1 counts as half. It was found in the garage lying in a box. I think i gave it food poisoning or overfed it. The other one was in a trap in the attic. But here's the thing. 1 mouse escaped the glue trap in the powder room, and the other glue trap is missing in the attic. I mean, WTF!! How big is this mouse in the attic? I heard it scurry this morning at 215am, and Jill asked if it was a mouse. I told her no, it was the wind........Yeah, she didn't believe me either.

Sorry it's been so long since i lasted updated the blog, but it's been crazy in the life of ME. Thanksgiving has come and gone. We're getting geared up for Christmas. The Xbox360 decided to take a big dump. Right on my carpet!! I was playing Call of Duty when I got the rings. Now, if you own an xbox, know somebody who owns an xbox, or have not lived in a cave for the last 3 years, you have heard about them. The "RED RINGS OF DEATH!" When this happens, you might as just bend over, drop your pants, and grab your socks. I think the only thing i can relate it to, is being kicked in the franks and beans. Hurts like hell and you never really get over it. Doesn't matter how long it has been since, the memory still lingers.

Speaking of franks and beans, mainly franks, I love hot dogs! Regular sized, foot long, grilled, boiled, ketchup and mustard. Ok, not ketchup, thats just gross on a hot dog. Come on! It's like putting stewed tomatoes on Mac and Cheese. It's just disgusting and against all that is holy. My favorite around here in Delaware is The Doghouse. Footlongs, grilled, split in half, toasted buns, and any sort of concoction you want. My pallet's favorite is probably chili, cheese, and kraut. Besides that, the sidekick for all the hotdog super hero's is French Fry Boy! They put this seasoning salt on there that is just kick ass.

My next fav is Deerhead. The only way to eat these bad boys is with the special sauce. I'm guessing its got horseradish, mustard, and pixie dust. Now, i know what you're saying.....Horseradish? Come on! I know, hard to believe, but i think there is. These dogs are good, but no DogHouse. Probably the best thing about them is every Sunday......DOLLAR DOG DAY! $3 and you're full and pooping for 2 hours. What's better than lunch and a colon cleansing?

But in my infinte searching of the internet, i have found the holy grail of hot dogs, the creme de la creme, the obama of weinery. I give you.....The Fry Dog!

Bask in it's beautiful presence. Feel the love emitting from the picture. Listen to your arteries scream like that of a teenage girl at a Jonas Brothers concert! Yes my friends, it is a hot dog covered in french fries (on a stick)! I'm not sure, but I might have to work overtime just to afford one everyday of my life. I am so happy for the internet. For if not for it, i would never have found my calling. The FryDog. God bless you and god bless america!!

Well, the day has finally arrived. After 20 months of campaigning, hundreds of millions of dollars in advertising, millions of votes, and countless moose jokes the election is over. Now, we have to come together as one. One people, one country, one common goal! And that goal is.....A White Christmas!! Its now November, Thanksgiving is almost here and before you know it, so will Christmas. I don't ever remember a true white christmas. There were a couple with flurries, but they don't count. Right now, there is a blizzard in the Dakotas, Colorado already had a bunch of snow, and even in the Poconos. They had about 13 inches (don't we all wish that) and it was still October. Last year, we had one snow that was about 1-2 inches, but that was it. Does anyone have any ideas on how we can make this happen? One idea I had was for all of us husbands to band together and unite. Unite all of the coldness our wives have on their feet. Harness those subzero temps they put on our feet and legs under the covers and we CAN have a white christmas. Yes we can. Yes we can

Piss off our wives as we always do, and get the colder shoulder. Harness the energy and we can have a white christmas. Yes we can. Yes we can.

Cold hands warm heart? Screw that. Cold hands, white christmas. Yes we can. Yes we can.

You can tell i have too much time at work sometimes.

Things That Make Me Giggle

I didn't know ZZ-Top was jewish. I guess I probably should have known, but RABBIS!!! They must have gotten their bling from Flava Flav.

I'm not really sure why this is funny to me, but it really is. I guess because it reminds me of illegal immigrants that would be out of a job, or just the name of a male chicken. But then I stare at it, and I try to pick out the parts i've had from KFC. There's the wings, nice drumsticks, thighs. Wait!!! Is that a tail? I didn't know chickens had tails!! I guess it's true, It's all pink on the inside. I think i'll stick to salads.

So, this is the reason I'm going to stick to salads. If my butt gets divided into 3 sections while sitting on a folding chair, or if i can hear the metal scream, or if anyone writes on their blog that my butt makes them giggle, it's time to seriously rethink my diet. The other thing that makes me think is....Does she bring her own chair or does she have to work up the gumption to ask some for one?

The Infamous 5K

So.....I have been writing about this 5K that my sister talked me into. It wasn't just some run of the mill (excuse the pun) 5K. It was to honor a fallen brother from 9-11 and to raise money for a charity that his family had set-up in his name. What I experienced was something that i don't hink i ever will again.

First, my "training" was anything but that. I ate better and exercised a little more, but I don't think it helped too much.

Second, the run itself was amazing and uplifting in many ways. There were Marines who did the whole thing in full gear and pack, firemen who did it in gear and packs, and physically challenged participants. There was someone there who had one of the running legs that is metal and shaped like a C. I watched him run and it inspired me. I thought to myself, "Here is a man who lost his leg in some sort of unknown accident and is here to prove something to himself, while i complain when we're out of Pop-tarts." Then i got to thinking to myself, "Screw him! I bet he got a better parking space." Probably the hardest part of the run was the tunnel. Not only was it long, but it was hot and had no air movement. I started running through the tunnel and probably got around 3/4 of the way through when i couldn't run anymore. I did some speed walking that burned my thunder thighs more than when i probably ran. Finally, my vision became more focused and i could start to see the light at the end of tunnel. I had to pinch myself to make sure i hadn't died of a heart attack while i was in there. While my heart pounded, my feet ached, and my excitement grew i could only think of one thing; finishing the race and being proud of myself
and what i had just accomplished. WRONG!!!! I was only HALF done! Now mind you, while in the tunnel, my nephew Jonathan took off like greased lightning and i thought i would never see him again. There were so many things i never got to tell him, like that i loved him and thanks for being so good to my kids. But i hear this voice from behind me as we exited. It was him. My first thought was, "Did he lap me?" Apparently he fell back and took his time and ran with someone else. What a beast.
I can say that coming out of the tunnel was very inspiring. There were hundreds of firemen of the FDNY who were holding flags of their lost brothers and flags of our great nation. They were cheering and shouting words of encouragement. The only thought i had was, "Kiss my ass and start running!" The rain started to come down as soon as i came out of the tunnel and of the things on my mind was, "please don't fall, please don't fall." The other thing was how much freaking longer is this race? I tell you what, i had a real runner's moment, probably because i watch too much TV and the olympics were on just on. But, when i rounded the first bend there were people handing out cups of water. My jittery hand reached for one and the words "thank you" were mouthed, but I don't think they came out. So, i drank a little and poured the rest on my head. Now, you have to remember, this isn't mile 24 of a marathon, and i am already wet because it's raining. TV is a powerful thing.
Speaking of TV, I'm glad i there wasn't a camera following me, because i probably looked like the most retarded person out there. Sweaty, limping, my hands flailing like i should be wearing a helmet, and that was prior to the race. Now, i've watched races before on TV and i am pretty sure that they would have put me in a whole different category on a different day if they would have seen me run.
The end of the run wasn't too bad. I finished in 40:40. Not bad for someone who is the body double for Fat Bastard. I wasn't too out of breath, the only had to give me a nasal cannula, and i actually felt good. Not bad for a days work. The worst part was the second 5K that we did getting to our bus, but that is for another blog.

I think I might be the only person who can get hollared at for trying to save money.

So, I really want to get an ATV, preferably a 4 wheeler. Not even a brand name like Kawasaki, Polaris, or Honda. I'd even take one that had little hearts all over and was pink. Well, maybe not little hearts...but you get the idea. I'd even take one whose name wasn't even in english!! But i came to the conclusion that a used ATV in decent shape was still pretty expensive (i.e. $1000 to start), unless you can find a really good deal. I decided to save us some money. I now want a Go-kart!

Now think about this. It's got 4 wheels, too. It's lower to the ground and steel ROLL CAGE. How much safer can you get than a roll cage? It comes with a helmet (safe), only 10hp (safer), and a kill switch (most saferest). As a side note, i really don't think they should call it a kill switch. How about a "run-no-more" switch, or "shut-off", or even "safety" switch. How much safer can you get than a SAFETY switch? It has the word SAFE right in it. And to top it off, the creme de-la-creme, the cherry on top of the Kitchen Sink from Mac's Ice Cream Parlor, its half the price at $475. I am SAVING money. And do you think I get any thanks whatsoever? NOPE.

Now, mind you this is all in a text message to my beautiful, caring, loving, understanding...(did i mention beautiful?) wife. Here is her response: "Did the checkbook tonight.....no. Going to bed. Good night." Well, if you can't beat 'em....Bitch about it in your blog!!

I had all good intentions! I wanted to get in shape, make people proud of me, and be able to run more than from the couch to the fridge without getting winded!!! But all that has come to an end. Here is the official obituary for my 5k training:

It is with deep regret, that i announce the passing of my 5k training. He was the brother of and predeceased by a lawn care business, a 1965 Mustang restore project, learning the trombone, and civic association president. In addition to immediate family, he had numerous cousin big, bright ideas that never got off the ground. As a child, he was active every day. But, as we all know, these ideas have short life spans. Like that of a fruit fly! His numerous adventures include being chased by bees, stepping in dog poo, the infamous 9 minute mile scandal, and........well, thats it. What do you expect from such a short life? Memorial services will be private. Please make donations of Ho-Ho's, Ring-dings, and and Butterfingers to your local Weight Watchers program. Those people really need it!