The Infamous 5K

So.....I have been writing about this 5K that my sister talked me into. It wasn't just some run of the mill (excuse the pun) 5K. It was to honor a fallen brother from 9-11 and to raise money for a charity that his family had set-up in his name. What I experienced was something that i don't hink i ever will again.

First, my "training" was anything but that. I ate better and exercised a little more, but I don't think it helped too much.

Second, the run itself was amazing and uplifting in many ways. There were Marines who did the whole thing in full gear and pack, firemen who did it in gear and packs, and physically challenged participants. There was someone there who had one of the running legs that is metal and shaped like a C. I watched him run and it inspired me. I thought to myself, "Here is a man who lost his leg in some sort of unknown accident and is here to prove something to himself, while i complain when we're out of Pop-tarts." Then i got to thinking to myself, "Screw him! I bet he got a better parking space." Probably the hardest part of the run was the tunnel. Not only was it long, but it was hot and had no air movement. I started running through the tunnel and probably got around 3/4 of the way through when i couldn't run anymore. I did some speed walking that burned my thunder thighs more than when i probably ran. Finally, my vision became more focused and i could start to see the light at the end of tunnel. I had to pinch myself to make sure i hadn't died of a heart attack while i was in there. While my heart pounded, my feet ached, and my excitement grew i could only think of one thing; finishing the race and being proud of myself
and what i had just accomplished. WRONG!!!! I was only HALF done! Now mind you, while in the tunnel, my nephew Jonathan took off like greased lightning and i thought i would never see him again. There were so many things i never got to tell him, like that i loved him and thanks for being so good to my kids. But i hear this voice from behind me as we exited. It was him. My first thought was, "Did he lap me?" Apparently he fell back and took his time and ran with someone else. What a beast.
I can say that coming out of the tunnel was very inspiring. There were hundreds of firemen of the FDNY who were holding flags of their lost brothers and flags of our great nation. They were cheering and shouting words of encouragement. The only thought i had was, "Kiss my ass and start running!" The rain started to come down as soon as i came out of the tunnel and of the things on my mind was, "please don't fall, please don't fall." The other thing was how much freaking longer is this race? I tell you what, i had a real runner's moment, probably because i watch too much TV and the olympics were on just on. But, when i rounded the first bend there were people handing out cups of water. My jittery hand reached for one and the words "thank you" were mouthed, but I don't think they came out. So, i drank a little and poured the rest on my head. Now, you have to remember, this isn't mile 24 of a marathon, and i am already wet because it's raining. TV is a powerful thing.
Speaking of TV, I'm glad i there wasn't a camera following me, because i probably looked like the most retarded person out there. Sweaty, limping, my hands flailing like i should be wearing a helmet, and that was prior to the race. Now, i've watched races before on TV and i am pretty sure that they would have put me in a whole different category on a different day if they would have seen me run.
The end of the run wasn't too bad. I finished in 40:40. Not bad for someone who is the body double for Fat Bastard. I wasn't too out of breath, the only had to give me a nasal cannula, and i actually felt good. Not bad for a days work. The worst part was the second 5K that we did getting to our bus, but that is for another blog.

I think I might be the only person who can get hollared at for trying to save money.

So, I really want to get an ATV, preferably a 4 wheeler. Not even a brand name like Kawasaki, Polaris, or Honda. I'd even take one that had little hearts all over and was pink. Well, maybe not little hearts...but you get the idea. I'd even take one whose name wasn't even in english!! But i came to the conclusion that a used ATV in decent shape was still pretty expensive (i.e. $1000 to start), unless you can find a really good deal. I decided to save us some money. I now want a Go-kart!

Now think about this. It's got 4 wheels, too. It's lower to the ground and steel ROLL CAGE. How much safer can you get than a roll cage? It comes with a helmet (safe), only 10hp (safer), and a kill switch (most saferest). As a side note, i really don't think they should call it a kill switch. How about a "run-no-more" switch, or "shut-off", or even "safety" switch. How much safer can you get than a SAFETY switch? It has the word SAFE right in it. And to top it off, the creme de-la-creme, the cherry on top of the Kitchen Sink from Mac's Ice Cream Parlor, its half the price at $475. I am SAVING money. And do you think I get any thanks whatsoever? NOPE.

Now, mind you this is all in a text message to my beautiful, caring, loving, understanding...(did i mention beautiful?) wife. Here is her response: "Did the checkbook tonight.....no. Going to bed. Good night." Well, if you can't beat 'em....Bitch about it in your blog!!

I had all good intentions! I wanted to get in shape, make people proud of me, and be able to run more than from the couch to the fridge without getting winded!!! But all that has come to an end. Here is the official obituary for my 5k training:

It is with deep regret, that i announce the passing of my 5k training. He was the brother of and predeceased by a lawn care business, a 1965 Mustang restore project, learning the trombone, and civic association president. In addition to immediate family, he had numerous cousin big, bright ideas that never got off the ground. As a child, he was active every day. But, as we all know, these ideas have short life spans. Like that of a fruit fly! His numerous adventures include being chased by bees, stepping in dog poo, the infamous 9 minute mile scandal, and........well, thats it. What do you expect from such a short life? Memorial services will be private. Please make donations of Ho-Ho's, Ring-dings, and and Butterfingers to your local Weight Watchers program. Those people really need it!